Love and The Zombie Apocalypse
Miss Cherry was giving her imaginary “acceptance” speech to a group of imaginary women and men, for the honor of being… simply…all she was supposed to be and more. What prompted this: the excitement of watching several friends receive awards for taking their dreams all of the way, believing in themselves, and fearless living.
“I want to thank you all for believing in me, and supporting my dreams. As I look around, I stand in awe of the intelligence, talent, drive and accomplishment that fills this room. To be “honored” by you humbles me. Matter of fact, when the Zombie Apocalypse hits, I can honestly say…I would consider it an honor to share a tree shelter, or cave with you…some kind of defendable perimeter…as I believe that each and every one of you would be quite stimulating for an extended period of time. With that said…raise your hand if you have strong survival and medical skills, watch Duck Dynasty, and hold an arsenal of firearms that would prompt an ATF alert. If you raised your hand…please pass your email forward, as we have some further qualifications to discuss. Now…thank you again for honoring me…I am a fortunate woman. Y’all have a nice evening.”
The imaginary applause was deafening. Miss Cherry felt like Sally Fields. It was an imaginary defining moment, so much so, that it filled her mind with the burning question…”Who, in her life, was Zombie Apocalypse worthy?”
On the subject of friends…a good friend is a good friend until the end of time. Cherry would throw herself in front of a Zombie hoard rather than let anyone bite or eat her good friends. Now, those friends who are fair weather, wishy washy, disloyal or selfish…they just might be on their own. That decision would have to be an instinctual, in the moment judgment call. I mean, what’s the point of losing an arm and risking infection for someone whom you would save but they would push you out in the hoard saying…”Here take her. As friends go, she’s a spare. Look at her…I bet she’s yummy, yummy slathered in Stubbs BBQ sauce.”
On the subject of family…Cherry would love and protect her family…the whole lot of them. They were blood; they were all hers from birth. Matter of fact, they would make the cave fun. And, since most of them were raised just exactly like her…they would be a great Zombie A team. I mean…no chance of being voted off the island by family. A lot of time and love invested here.
On the subject of love…Miss Cherry had to think hard on that one. In her mind, she pictured herself as Elaine Bennis on Seinfield…saying…”Are you Zombie A worthy?” Elaine had understood the importance of not squandering her preferred birth control sponge after discontinuation…Cherry understood the importance of who loves you. In her imaginary scenario…she was sitting on a turquoise tufted couch, looking at the line of men who were coming to apply for love, care, and attention during the Zombie A. It was a bunch of good looking riff raff. Just as she looked up from her clipboard, there it was…a Zombie in line, edging up for the bite.
“Hey you! Yah, you there with the open sores and bad complexion. Don’t think I don’t know you’re a Zombie. Don’t you realize that being a Zombie is the fastest growing communicable disease amongst my age group? Bye!” And, Cherry’s foot pushes the button that trips the imaginary trap door and he falls straight into a pit of girl Zombies. Right where he should be.
“Hey you! Yah, you! Didn’t I divorce you?” Hell, no. “Down you go…” Imaginary smile.
“Hey you! Yah…well…you’re kinda cute. Can you build a fire, hunt and secure the perimeter? Yes…then, let’s continue. Can you shoot Zombies? Yes. Okay. How about hand to hand combat with a Zombie, would you win? Good. Now – very important…bottom line…do you think that sex is important and amazing…and does “it” work? (Silence, and wait for the answer) I mean, if “it’s” a problem, we might want to address that BEFORE we are locked up for months on end. Just a little preplanning as I don’t want to experience sexual frustration during a time of heightened sensibilities. As all of that goes, if it’s my time, I’d definitely want to go out with a bang. Know what I mean? Yes, it works? Great! You just sit here on the couch because, as it stands, you just might make it to Zombie Apocalypse love. Please step to the side for further interview. Next!”
I know that this sounds like a lot of trouble to go through for something that is only happening on the SyFy, History and Discovery Channels…might seem a little like over kill. All of this imaginary thinking could get Miss Cherry in loads of trouble. But…
Can you imagine what it would be like entering the Zombie Apocalypse with someone “yellow”…someone who would scream and leave you behind…yelling…”Sweetie, I sure did love you. You were a good woman, and a damn fine cook. Sorry that I took all the ammo but I have to survive to head up the New World Order. It’s my chance to get ahead. My advice…either lay there and take it…or…RUN, Cherry, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
So, as these imaginary thoughts played in Miss Cherry’s head all she could think was this…”Why wait for the inevitable Zombie A, why not now?”
Miss Cherry knew that a love that was Zombie Apocalypse worthy was a love worth having. I mean…if you wouldn’t want to survive a Zombie Apocalypse with someone, then why would you even be with them? Honestly.